silence

all throughout my adult life, words have always been my strongest allies. they give me a deep sense of empowerment. they provide me a sensation of creating different realities without lying. words advance thoughts even without the use of grand but meaningless gestures.

unlike most people, i discovered this gift in the most unprofound manner. boredom during that summer when my academically-challenged friends were busy in their summer classes, i took the test that changed the way i used words. it turned out that the varsitarian battery of essay tests with hundreds of other wanna-be-writers can be life changing. never mind the new-found friends, never mind the love that haunted me far longer than i wanted and never mind that the annual "workshop" junkets taught me more than just writing techniques. the whole writing experience opened my world to the power of words.

and i've used it, wantonly and otherwise, to drive home my point. my point has not always been pointless, but words emboldened me to push my fortunes. i wasn't gifted with a long attention span to read enough in the medical school, so i used my words to struggle my way to obtain my MD. i didn't have the patience for research when i was in the varsitarian, so out of my verbose brain came out nicely opinionated articles. i didn't and still don't have the initiative to do the job of a foot soldier, so i talked my way to becomming a commander.

however, words can be rendered less potent if preceded by words not previously kept. or words that are untrue nor meaningless. as our workshops would always preach, form without substance is just that, without substance. its failure to command people and ideas would not only negate its intent, it would also energize the enemy. and in life where success is defined by a victory in the battle for ideas and people, skill in the command of words is almost inescapable.

but lately i've discovered the eloquence in silence. when confronted by senseless blabber in the midst of mindless thoughts that refuse to fly, my reaction in my younger days would have been to confront the stupidity and punish the stupid. i would have pretended that i didn't notice the idiocy and continued the engagement. i would then abruptly crush the message and make the messenger burn in the fire of his own nonsense.

age certainly does something to people. i wouldn't say it's a mellowing of my temperament nor have i reached a higher level of tolerance. i wouldn't even say it's wisdom.
maybe i'm just tired.