manila

as the plane prepared to land in the city i've always called home, nothing felt unusual even after 15 months of absence in manila. looking out from the plane's window, darkness enveloped the usually brightly-lit skyline of the city. melenyo, the typhoon that ravaged the country just the day before i arrived had exacted its toll on a landscape that is barely holding on to order. even as the plane touched down 20 minutes earlier than scheduled, we got out from the tarmac 20 minutes later since only one gate was open. and the only thing missing in the airport's sauna atmosphere was the warm steam spewing from the mouths of its unfriendly personnel. it used to be that i resented overseas filipinos who had everything but complaints about the homeland. i resent the tone of their sanctimoniousness, the arrogance of their discomfort and their disdain for their country of birth. at that hour in the airport, however, i could no longer blame them.
and so i began my 3-week vacation in the homeland. i didn't expect anything spectacularly different since i've only been away for 15 months. it's obviously much longer than my previous sojourns abroad, but this time it's not just a sojourn, i actually live in america.
but manila has been my home for most of my adult life. i have built my strongest relationships in this chaotic and environmentally hazzardous city. i am still more familiar with its every corner than i am oriented on where the nearest asian store is in sarasota. i understand its slang, i appreciate the value of its u-turns than any westerner does and regardless of my contempt with its politicians, i understand their lingo and can decipher their motives. yes, much more than i understand how the Democratic victory in the mid-terms would impact the race for hillary in 2008. and it sank in as soon as i woke up the next morning.
so i began my vacation having the sensation that i still live in manila. i re-behaved like a filipino living in the philippines. as i was driven to manila for the first party i was about to attend, i didn't mind that it took us 3 hours to travel from makati to quezon city. i expected it. i didn't watch the local news in the same way that i didn't watch 24 oras on pinoy tv because gloria's face still upsets me. so i watched eat bulaga and escaped the torture of seeing the clowns who call themselves the leaders of my country.
of course, my trip was about seeing family and friends, not about reminiscing the things that made me leave the country. my trip was about attending my best friend's wedding. it was about reconnecting with my closest friends in the medical school, not about coming to terms with the philippines' future. or the lack of it. and as i went through the process of going back to my old life in manila, i began to realize what i've been missing. although things are much different now since most of my friends have married, there's still the psychological element of proximity. then i began to miss the privileges of home.
who would have thought that i would even toy about the idea of coming home for good. manila's festive atmosphere indeed didn't prepare me for this slight dilemma. i said slight because it's not easy leaving the life i've acceleratedly built in america. but for one minute i thought about selling my newly purchased little castle in florida. i contemplated on leaving behind the life i've preached about to those i brainwashed in the philippines. in that moment of nostalgia, i was almost prepared to turn my back on something others could only dream of.
sooner than i can decide on the issue, however, it's been three weeks and it was time to leave. the manila airport was no longer spewing with fire when i left. still not as sleek as the tampa airport, it was certainly more pleasant than on the night of sept 29th when the temp was 100 degrees fahrenheit with 90% humidity. during my flight back to florida, i was plotting my return to power in the philippines. so to speak.
but the air in america does something to people. when i landed in tampa, things began to shift a little. now i again appreciate the cool crisp air of autumn. suddenly, i was in wider roads with drivers travelling in straight lines. as i turned on my plasma tv when i got home, the excitement of the forthcoming Democratic victory in november was extremely palpable. george bush would indeed be a lameduck president as the age of reason beaconed in the home of the brave. america would find its voice again.
i'm glad to be home.