Recurring Visions

I have a recurring vision. I'm walking out of the massive door of the Main Building of UST into my car when a gunman hits me with a single shot at the right parietal section of my skull. And the scene would end. Then it would play over and over until the actual nightmare would set in. The same angles, the same characters, the same endings. I have a recurring vision. I'm sitting in a reclined hospital bed at St. Luke's receiving the same poison that saved my life many years ago thru my veins. The nurse would keep on probing through my hands and see if there's any more veins to poke. She'd flick my already collapsed veins until she sees any sign of healthy vessels. Over and over. I have a recurring vision. I'd go into a well-lit room full of people I've known all my life. Everyone's well dressed. My closest friends wear barong and the women wear black. The women are gossiping about the most mundane things mostly about the most unimportant, inconsequential people. The men, including my brothers, are somber and wearing the black armbands given to them by the Grand. It's a sight to behold. I get into the room already knowing what to expect and with no one paying attention to my arrival. I get deeper into the hall and I see the ornate wooden box with a dozen candles lit around it. And there was myself. And this recurring vision I have seen over and over. It is so overplayed that the vividness of its colors makes it look alive and real. It is so overplayed that the other nightmares started to look like huge flops in this nonsensical, tired, almost annoying vision. But the disturbing thing about these visions is that, well it is not that disturbing anymore. They have recurred enough that the mind has adapted to its everyday occurrence. They have cease to evoke a sense of doom or panic. They are just visions. Visions that would decide to play themselves, again and again, in the mind when the day has settled and everyone has left for the evening. Uninvited. Unwelcome. I have a recurring vision. It's dark and the voices are fading away.