When do you start re-thinking the mission and vision of your middle age? Things are different now. You kinda fulfilled some of your goals, you somewhat got those educational parameters you have set out for yourself and therefore the most important benchmark of success or failure can more or less be ascertained. The babies are bigger, the wife has gained some pounds on the lateral aspect of her once-upon-a-time coca cola body, but remains generally charming.
Again, how do you re-configure the mission and vision of your middle age? Do you blow your ROTH and IRA in order to accept a calling to help the mother country in governance and actually be "cajoled" into seeking the nomination of the ruling party? Is it worth putting all your ROTH and IRA eggs in one basket in the hope that there will be political resurrection for you and all your supporters? and would this whole process support the mission and vision of your life beyond middle age?
How do you go back to those plans to fix the stuff that you now wish didn't happen and how they now ironically fit in your mission and vision. without even trying. Like establishing a practice with your buddies. living in the same neighborhood. playing golf in the late afternoon with large acacia trees as vanguards against score cheating perpetrated by the caddies. and basking in the glory of a gentle life. and had The-One-That-Got-Away not gotten away, maybe married bliss with a couple of cute little gremlins would be running around my little shack. or they would have added five more years to my 35 y/o face because of the stresses of fatherhood. regrets, regrets.
And on moments like this, I ask myself, why did I stray too far from my mission and vision just when I was finishing college? If anyone had his plan cut in stone at 20 years old, that was me. And then in one uncharacteristic moment of impulsive behavior, my mission and vision rotated 180 degrees that now included living in the florida suburbs, working as a corporate slave albeit a comfortable and well-compensated life and turning away from the society i was so used to navigating and exploring. the transition was so seamless, however. my accent, still filipino but not possessing the strong stench of adobo, contributed in making my assimilation more natural.
But now it's all wearing me out. My mission and vision still haunts me to this day. The constant call of duty and a deeper sense of home become louder as middle age roars like the drumbeat to war. Louder and louder, it is calling all those who either have real intentions for the country, or those who are just going to cash in on the weight of their family name, or those who just want a kick out of it. whatever it is, middle age seems to be the biologic time when we are all called to the Batasan complex and take our oath before the next fellow idiot.
But i guess i assimilated too well in the suburbs of pretty florida. i actually call it home now. i now have roots here that will have to be severed painfully when i decide to hop on to that 747 back to manila for the last time. roots that do not even figure in the mission and vision. it's just been so complicated as well. even the promise of political power would not pay for the investments i have laid here, financial and emotional. how do you just turn away from 7 years of peaceful bliss? unless we qualify bliss to include a simmering cardiac situation that maybe, just maybe precipitated by a healthy dose of stress.
I am not ready to go back this year or the next. at this point we have to choose our battles and see that our readiness never goes away. middle age doesn't usually put a damper on such kind of passion, it even creates situations that enhance the fulfillment of the mission and vision.
so i really envy my closest buddies in manila. they have the faces of content as they go about their lives. and their mission and vision is almost completely done. you'll know my chinese best buddy's preoccupied when you can't bother him with trivial matters particularly bad jokes. at least you know he's fine. the other kapampangan one will let you know that he's doing great because he'll bother you with mundane trivial pursuits. but one thing's for sure with these 2 best buddies of mine. they stuck to their mission and vision. when we were younger and stupider, we dreamed of a more perfect world for the 3 of us and our would be families. (oh well, now you know who strayed first) we dreamed about reaping the benefits of our hard labor in medical school, internship and residency. the 2 of them would be doing hard core medical practice while i go on to serve the nobler calling of serving our people.
well my own mission and vision are not completely lost. and i hope it's not too late.
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