Going Home

The other day, I spent time contemplating on where I go from here. I've settled pretty nicely in my little private cocoon in southwestern Florida under the distant but watchful eyes of my extended clan. When I boarded that Northwest flight to Newark five years ago, I have determined that it was time to create a new beginning in America. Leaving an excessively happy life in Manila with a social circle not a lot of mortals will be able to maintain wasn't necessarily easy, but the prospects of starting anew sort of negated all those nostalgic feelings of loss.

I got the job that I wanted in a city called Port Charlotte. A lot of people say that my start in the US was quite an easy one, bereft of horror stories of having to wash dishes or having to mop floors that even some my wealthier cousins had to do when they landed here decades ago. Within my first year of employment, I hit the 6-digit mark and never looked back. While I left behind a would-have-been new but flourishing career in Rehab Med, I had no regrets of the career shift I made to Pharmacy. Despite some horrific encounters with uneducated, uneducable, unkempt, severely drugged and rude scumbags as patients, pharmacists are highly regarded by the community. PharmD is almost educationally equivalent to an MD. Aside from the fact that I never had any intention of going back to residency here, I was fine with doing this gig for the long haul.

Determined to become a good American (as I still am), I believed (and still does) that immigrants have a greater burden of proving themselves worthy to share in the bounty of this country. I immersed myself in things that are important to everyone living in here. Consistently mindful of the heavy responsibility of contributing to society, I was always conscious of what I can do to help those in need. Despite the severe recession that hit the US and affected countless numbers of Americans, Fil-Ams included, the resiliency of my profession proved valuable in times of serious challenges.

But as the months turned into years, this same steadiness became my enemy as I battled the urge to go home to the Philippines. Pinoy TV was partly to blame for this slow slide into favoring a return home. My annual trips to the motherland always reconnected me with the family and friends that I left behind. But the sensation of always being home through TV everyday made me engaged with everything that was going on across the Pacific. Of course I'm exaggerating Pinoy TV's role in my life There are other big factors too. The apparent end of the Arroyo regime is a huge come-on for me since it was one of the primary reasons for my leaving in the first place. The thought of a post-Arroyo era excites me as this could open a lot of possibilities. And I must admit, I really miss the life I left behind. I miss the privileges of home. I miss the many people that surrounded me everyday in both Manila and in my home province. I miss traffic congestion too, America's freeways are way too convenient for me. I miss my friends. I miss the power that came with my uniform and my title. I know it's partly vanity, but I really want my old life back.

This going home is not set in stone though. I still haven't set the date, nor the year for that matter. All I know is that I'm no longer going to be here until and even beyond retirement. I have started to lay the ground work for this however. While this move is not by any means unstoppable, most of my present investment and career direction are all being geared towards this goal.

I guess this is a part of my destiny. Since I was a child, I have always been taught the deep sense of duty towards my country. I do not for one second regret my having left the country as this even made me value my being Filipino. Even the bad aspects of being one. I know that I will still come home to an imperfect place, one plagued by an ever worsening poverty problem, among a lot of other things. I also know that I will come home to a Philippines that had become 2 countries, one for the wealthy and one for the poor.

But these are also the reasons why I am going home. Staying In America, despite donations for causes in the Philippines, would really not mean much in effecting change. No matter how insignificant my contribution may be, I want to participate in building the country that we all want. The renewed hope with the ending of this brutal and greedy regime ushers in aspirations for a greater nation. The coming of the Pacific age with the ascendancy of China should be seized as an opportunity, not a threat. This is our new call as a nation, this just might be our time.

I have always said my piece from afar. It's now time to put my money where my mouth is. At home.